I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
