I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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