Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
