Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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