i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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