I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
