evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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