dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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