so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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