When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
