Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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