she was so not down for the gang bang
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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