Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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