Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
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was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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