let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
