I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
How does it feel to date your dad?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
