"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
