I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
