im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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