Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
