No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
