I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
