weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
