I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
