You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
