i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
