You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
