If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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