a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
