Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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