I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
