I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
