i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I am available for nakedness
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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