thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
