youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
