well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You made out with two different species that night
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
