I'm jealous of your bromance
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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