No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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