and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
