yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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