Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
