I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
