well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
