remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
