I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
