oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
