I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
