Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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