You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
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I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
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It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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