Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
