i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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