Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
