The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
