we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I wear drunk well.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
