Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
