I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
