I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
