so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I am one with the molecules
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
