I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
