so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
