You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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